Gratitude

      Countless philosophers, self-help experts, religious leaders, and individuals throughout time have talked about the power of gratitude. We live in a world of negativity and materialism, where we are saturated with the idea that if we don't have more, more, more, then we don't have enough. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and acknowledge all of the good things we have. It is paradoxical, because at the same time we celebrate Thanksgiving, our retail world is bombarding us with the idea that we have to shop 'til we drop for all the latest gear, fashions, deals, and frankly, just stuff. Have you noticed how the Christmas decorations and advertisements are out now before HALLOWEEN?! It's nuts! While we should be celebrating the good in our lives-what really matters--like family, friendships, food, a comfortable house, and the necessities to live, the barrage of commercials tries to send us the message that we need more (in the form of material goods).

     Think about these questions for a minute: What good is a nice outfit to wear if you don't have the people to wear it with to go out and have fun? What good is a new Lexus (I'm speaking of this because of the commercial each year with the new car in the driveway with the giant red bow on the hood) without your friends to go cruising with? What good is a new smartphone without the buddies to text or Snapchat with?
     Why do you think that envy is one of the seven deadly sins? Because we are constantly focusing on what we DON'T have compared to what others DO, instead of focusing on what we do have, which if you take stock, is probably enough. Someone always has a better car, a better appearance, a better pair of shoes, a better job, a better life. With the dawn of the twentieth century, we have seen a rise in consumerism, which is the preoccupation with the acquisition of consumer goods. Now more than ever are we pushed to acquire material things, brand-name things. Do they make us better people? No. It's just stuff. Think about the storage business, hoarding tendencies. There is just too much stuff! Henry David Thoreau once said, "Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul." So true! What nourishes our soul are our relationships with others and our appreciation for the good things in life--beautiful nature, watching innocent children, coming home to a comfortable house at the end of a long day, the ability to travel and explore, our hobbies and interests, our talents--but most of all, the chance to start over if we need to at the dawn of the next day.
     Sure life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. We will experience challenges, defeats, losses, unimaginable heartache, and other negativity at times. I have had my share, but I have always managed to focus on the good things in my life, rather than the bad. Remember, it is our perspective of things that determines our outlook of life. The people who choose to dwell on the negative instead of looking at the positive sadly go through life unhappy or unfulfilled. Stop each day and be mindful of what you are grateful for. For me, I am grateful for the simple fact that I have everything I could ever need--a wonderful family, three amazing kids, a few close friends, a job I enjoy (most of the time), and a cozy bed (I like sleep!). I am grateful for all the advantages that living in the United States affords me and for the freedoms I have, which I too often take for granted. For this week's blog, give your thoughts about gratitude and about the things for which you are grateful this year. Have a great week!

Making Mistakes

     "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." --Albert Einstein. How afraid are you of making mistakes?  For many students, fear of making a mistake can be a great obstacle to success or new things because you're afraid to put yourself out there and be wrong. For example, in my classes, many students, before they even utter a word of their answer, utter something along the lines of "I'm probably wrong, but..." Every day I hear multiple people say, "I can't do this," "I'm horrible," "I'm the worst at (fill in the blank)." Walking down the hallway, I heard someone say, "Good luck at your game." The person she was talking to replied, "Thanks. I'll probably suck." Unfortunately, this is the norm. Most of the language I hear when listening to or talking to students is some form of negative self-talk.

     For some, the fear of making a mistake, or worse, the fear of failing, is quite debilitating. This can present itself in a few ways. Sometimes we are so afraid of making a mistake that we won't even try; it's more of that fear of failure. We convince ourselves that we can't do something or will be bad at it, so we're down and out before we even begin. Other times it becomes perfectionism; we put so much time and effort into something so that we do not "mess it up," and we are never satisfied with the results. This causes a lot of anxiety and stress. Whichever side you land on, neither one is good.
     I've read numerous articles that talk about the current generation and how coddled you are. I'm not sure how true this is, and I'm skeptical about it, so I'm curious your thoughts on it. Many people say that parents are too protective of their kids these days, and that parents don't let their children make mistakes anymore. If their child screws up, they will do everything to protect the child's feelings. This could be bringing a forgotten item to school instead of letting the child face the consequences. It could be letting a child quit an activity or a sport without even really trying it first. It could be hovering over the child to make sure he or she doesn't get hurt or do something wrong. In many situations, children have little independence to take action and face the consequences, good or bad. Many articles I've read say that because of this, children do not know how to overcome disappointment or deal with failure. They are so used to someone fixing their mistakes and protecting them from negative consequences, that they don't know how to cope. These children end up making excuses for their shortcomings or mistakes and fail to grow from these experiences. In addition, some of these children do not know how to address or how to try to rectify something they did that was wrong. They avoid conflict. This could be problematic as they enter adulthood. Do you agree with this or disagree? What are your thoughts?
     By and large, we will make some mistakes in life, some larger and more consequential than others. Despite our best efforts, somewhere along the way we will screw up. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, more than I can count. These are personal mistakes, work-related mistakes, financial mistakes, relationship mistakes, and more. Some mistakes I'm not proud of, and some I couldn't fix. Some mistakes I tried to avoid dealing with, but these eventually caught up to me. Our mistakes help shape our character. They help build resiliency and help form who we are. It's worth taking a minute to recall a mistake you made in the past and seeing where you are now. How was it handled? Is there anything that looking back you would do differently? What, if anything, did you learn from the experience?
     Please give me your thoughts related to the idea of making mistakes. Have a good week.

Too Much Negativity?

      Remember the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all"? I know you are all familiar with that phrase. Last week I was trying to come up with future blog topics, and as I was reading the news and scrolling through social media, I was hit by how much negativity there is out there. It seems you can't go anywhere these days without being surrounded by negativity and criticism. I almost feel like no one is happy anymore. No matter what article I read, if I look at the comments, it's mostly criticism of the author, subject matter, style, or any number of things. If you watch reality competition shows, it's mostly criticism and negative comments towards competitors. Morning talk shows the next day criticize everything. Awards shows criticize the way people dress. Tabloid mags and TV shows criticize celebrities' every move and word. 

    "News shows" don't just give you news anymore--they give their opinion on every piece.  At school teachers complain in the lunchroom, students complain in class. No matter where you are, people criticize the way you act, what you wear, things you say. Yikes. It seems like everyone these days has an opinion, and it is mainly a negative one. No wonder issues like depression are so severe right now. Gosh, is anyone happy these days? Does anyone appreciate anything about life? Can anyone just keep their comments to themselves? I myself have learned to be very restrained in my comments. I don't want to offend anyone, and if you know me, one of the biggest things I believe in is not judging others. Unless my comment is a positive one, I usually keep my opinions to myself. As a parent, I am trying to make sure that at the very least, my children grow up to be accepting of others, rather than judgmental and critical. I don't want to perpetuate all of this negativity. 
     Your generation doesn't know any different either. With all of the media you are surrounded by, you can't escape it. It's a shame. The media really does send mixed messages too. We know the message about treating people with respect and dignity, but we see adults and the media doing something different. It really does seem that in the last fifteen years, the media's message has gotten a lot more critical. People have to have pretty thick skin these days to avoid being influenced by all the negativity. So my question to you this week is, How negative are you? On a scale of one to ten, how negative do you think you are? Are you just a miserable grouch or are you semi-pleasant? How do you handle all of the negative messages that you are bombarded with every day? Have you ever personally been affected by negative comments online or on social media? How easily can/do you shrug it all off? Are you more of a complainer or do you look for the good in the situation? BE HONEST. Reflect for a second on what you say and think every day. What message do you hear on social media--a positive one or mainly negative? What are your thoughts? Have a great week.